Ready, Steady, Fail

We never start something wanting it to fail. Failure is such a negative word, one that can make us cry when we remember our mistakes, make our heads spin, and bring us out in a cold sweat at the mere thought of it. But failure should be something else entirely. It should be a valuable learning tool.

If you are not learning from your failures and using them as fuel for the next attempt, then failure will follow you around like a stubborn cold. It will keep you from trying again, and in some cases, it stops

us from living a fulfilled life. Was it really that bad, if it has taught you a valuable lesson?

Have you ever had a heartbreak that you were convinced you would never recover from? One that stopped you from meeting someone new for far too long? The weight of seeing that relationship as a failure can hold you back  until something magical happens. You meet someone new, and you look back and think: why did I let that pain last so long? Or think of a business meeting that went so horribly wrong it still makes you cringe. Was it really that bad, if it taught you something you could not have learned any other way? Doesn't the sting of it make you want to do better, try harder, and show up differently next time?

I have spent many hours, too many wasted hours not seeing the lessons, but drowning in guilt over my failures. And then I began coaching others. I sat across from people who were carrying the same weight I once had: the embarrassment, the self-doubt, the quiet voice that says "maybe I am just not good enough or worthy enough". What I discovered, again and again, was that their greatest breakthroughs came not despite their failures, but directly because of them. That “failure” had been the teacher all along.

Think about the elite athlete preparing for competition. They do not only visualise standing on the podium, arms raised, gold medal gleaming. The very best also visualise everything that could go wrong:  the stumble, the missed shot, the unexpected opponent, so that if the worst does happen, they are not ambushed by it. They have already been there, in their mind, and they already know what to do.

"Visualise not just the victory, but everything that could go wrong

and determine in advance what you will do."

Of course, there are times when failure in the moment is simply not an option. A surgeon standing in an operating theatre cannot afford to get it wrong. But let’s remember they are not there by accident. They have trained relentlessly, practised endlessly, and yes, made mistakes along the way. Every error made in a controlled setting, every difficult case during their years of learning, every moment of doubt they pushed through, all of it built the surgeon who now stands there, steady-handed and confident. They did not walk into theatre having skipped the hard years. Mastery is built in the failures that came long before that critical moment.

This is why the fantasy of the overnight success is so damaging and social media has made it so much worse. We see the highlight reel: the launch, the deal, the transformation, the triumph. We rarely see the years of grinding effort, the ideas that flopped, the savings that ran out, the plans that had to be torn up and started again. Believing we can leap straight to the podium without putting in the hours is not ambition. It is a shortcut that leads nowhere. The hours matter. The mistakes matter. They are not the delay on the way to success keep telling yourself they are the building blocks.

Ask yourself: what is the worst that can actually happen? And then: what will I do if it does? Have a back-up plan. Not because you expect to fail, but because having one quietly frees you to be bold. It is difficult to be brave when you feel completely unprepared for the fall. Write it down if you need to. Almost have fun with it, think through your options, map out your alternatives, and give yourself permission to problem-solve before the problem arrives. That way, when life throws you its inevitable curve ball, you can almost smile. Because you already know your next move.

Build your resilience. Nurture a strong belief in yourself, because that self-belief is what carries you through when everything else feels uncertain. Know your worth and know who you will call when you need help and then actually call them. Asking for support is not weakness. It is wisdom. Nobody who has ever achieved anything meaningful did it entirely alone.

None of this means you cannot feel pain, sadness, or regret when things go wrong. You absolutely can and you should because those feelings are real and they matter. But please remember and know, deep down, that you will always be okay. The failure is not the full stop at the end of your story. It is just a comma.

Failure is not the opposite of success. It is part of the path to it. The question is never whether you will fail because sometimes you will, we all do. The question is what you choose to do in the quiet moment after. Do you let it define you, or do you let it refine you?

On your marks get set, ready, steady and then fail. Main thing is to get back up again and again.